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In June of last year, I decided to take a break from the blog. It was what God was leading me to do. I was really excited to take a step back and spend some time with God while also knocking out some Bible studies my husband bought for me that I’d never completed (I'm a task-oriented person). I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had called me to write this blog, but it started to feel like a job. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of why I was writing. I started working for the Lord without really connecting with Him much. The writing and the posting began to be all about me - what graphic or image would appeal to the most people, how many followers would I gain. I could feel this shift and knew I needed to take a step back for some much-needed perspective and time with God. Although Jesus never sinned as I did, He would often go to a solitary place and spend time with His Father. He set the example of what we need to do. So, being the natural born planner that I am, I planned out 6 months of structured quiet time with God....from July to December, I "penciled in" God. Well, as you probably know and as I should have known, God doesn’t want to be penciled in; He wants to move in - to take over - our calendars, our thoughts, our very beings, all of us, all the time.
Want to know how much I actually accomplished of my structured quiet time? Hmm...about 1/8 of it. Why? Because God isn’t limited by man. Structured Bible study and quiet time is awesome and important and I love it, but there are times we need to just be with the Lord, there are times we need to be still, times we need to rest in His presence, times we need to surrender to Him in worship and there are times we need to be tried by fire. I have found that oftentimes, God uses trials to teach and refine us. It is during these times of suffering allowed by (not caused by) Him in which He uses our situations to mold our hearts to be more like His. He knows this is how we learn the best and grow the most. And, on the other side of a trial, we can actually be thankful for it because it drew us closer to God and deepened our faith in Him.
So, little did I know when I penciled in my quiet time that a storm was coming. A storm that rocked me to my core, that broke me. A storm that God used in major ways to refine my heart, to heal me in ways I never knew were hurting and to deepen my relationship with Him. More to come next time....