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First I want to begin with, I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE!! When a sweet friend asked if I would be interested in writing a guest blog my initial response was... Nope. I didn’t respond to her right away because I was trying to come up with a good reason to say NO. After a little time had passed I just felt this nudge to accept the challenge. That nudge, I believe, was the Holy Spirit telling me to share what God has been doing in my life. Sometimes the things that aren’t very pretty end up being what God uses to draw us closer to him. So here goes nothing...
My name is Jessica Gresham. I am 32 years old and married to the most wonderful man in the world for nearly 11 years, Bryson. We have been blessed with 6 children, Brylee (7), Brooklyn (6), Brenna (5), Brady (2) and precious twins in heaven. Our life is busy, challenging at times, full of hugs and lots of loud noises!! One constant in our family is Jesus.
On December 6th of 2018 I woke up feeling pain in my lower back. I did not think too much about it. Since I delivered my 4th child in January of 2017, I would feel lower back pain off and on. So I went about my day like normal, fixed breakfast for the kids, started homeschool with the girls, put a load of laundry in the washer, cleaned the floors....you know the normal chores. And, then, we planned on going to my mother-in-law's house to hang out for the rest of the day. While at her house, I was sitting down talking with my mother-in-law and her mother and I heard my kids in the other room fighting. So, of course, I went to get up and find out what was going on, but I couldn’t stand... I could not put pressure on my legs. The lower back pain was like nothing I have ever experienced. Throughout the day the pain began to get worse and more intense. I knew something was wrong.
I called my chiropractor the next morning and made an appointment. After a few visits with him he recommended an MRI. Within 48hrs I was informed I had a 5.8mm herniated disk in my L5/S1. For those who do not know (like me) this is the lowest part of your spine connected to the hip flexors. Y’all...I am 32 years old; I have always been physically active; I had 5 pregnancies in 6 years and given birth to 4 kids, and never have I experienced the amount of pain and physical trauma this herniated disk challenged my body with. I laid in my bed with an icepack on my back, struggling to figure out how this happened. What did I do that caused this?? I mean, come on....if I am going to be in this kind of pain, I need a really awesome story to go with it!! But no....no extraordinary story, no accident, nothing. I was sitting and went to stand!! SERIOUSLY!! Why? Why,God, is this happening? I have a family to raise, kids to be there for, a husband to serve, a business to help him run, homeschool that must get done, laundry to do, dishes to wash, floors to sweep, a baby to bathe. I do not have time for this!! I have people that are counting on me and I am going to let them down! Why God is this happening to me!!
Now... before I go any further. It is funny how God begins to prepare you for something before you even encounter that mountain. He gradually begins to give you the tools you need to face that obstacle before you even see it on the horizon. A few months back I agreed to teach our women’s Bible study over the book of JOB. I know that what I am going through is nothing compared to JOB, but the story of JOB is not to teach us that we can go through a lot and be okay - it is trusting that even when we do not have the answers to our questions, we can still worship and trust the sovereign God who has all the answers.
I had to ask myself the question: can I worship and serve a God who does not owe me an explanation? Y’all....THAT IS HARD!!
But, YES, I can; and, YES, I WILL!! My prayer is that as trials come we don’t question God but seek what it is He is teaching us. That we remember every trial is a chance for growth and every situation God puts in front of us is a chance to mold us and strengthen us into the men and women He has called us to be. So, that is my challenge to all of you... When those trials come, are you questioning or trusting? Are you wallowing or worshipping. And, finally, do you believe that the Creator of the universe has you right where He wants you for this time?
I wanted to share a song that has been so close to my heart and truly been my heart’s cry over the last couple of months...
Vertical Worship - Yes, I Will I count on one thing The same God that never fails Will not fail me now You won't fail me now In the waiting The same God who's never late Is working all things out You're working all things out Yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley Yes I will, bless Your name Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy All my days, oh yes I will I count on one thing The same God that never fails Will not fail me now You won't fail me now In the waiting The same God who's never late Is working all things out Is working all things out Oh, yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley Yes I will, bless Your name Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy For all my days, oh yes I will For all my days, oh yes, I will And I choose to praise To glorify, glorify The Name of all names That nothing can stand against And I choose to praise To glorify, glorify The Name of all names That nothing can stand against And I choose to praise To glorify, glorify The Name of all names That nothing can stand against And I choose to praise To glorify, to glorify The Name of all names That nothing can stand against Oh, yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley Yes I will, bless Your name Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy All my days, oh yes, I will For all my days, oh yes, I will For all my days, yes, I will