Updated: May 11, 2019
My life is a wreck. I can’t hide it, and truthfully, I don’t try to hide it. Most days I try just to make it through - not miss feeding anyone, making sure people look clean, not leaving anyone, and honestly, I do want to do a good job. But, some days just getting through is it. Surviving is all I have. So, when my life got what I consider even crazier in the last two months, my head spun a little. Mark, my husband, was getting ready to leave for Peru on Saturday. The Friday morning before, Teagan, my youngest, went in for a routine MRI. Go in, get the MRI, leave, get Mark ready to leave, go to the stars game. Wrong. Go in, get the MRI, leave, plan on getting Mark ready to leave, get a phone call, go back to the hospital, plan unexpected surgery, Mark leaves town, I take Teagan to surgery that Monday morning (surgery had some minor additional complications, but everything went beautifully).
A week later, Adaline, my oldest, gets an elbow injury that lands us with another surgery within two weeks. My sister was due to have her first baby two weeks after Adaline’s surgery. Well, sweet baby Maggie decided to make her appearance the day after Adaline’s surgery. Keep in mind, I am also teaching second grade, taking college classes and just trying to keep up with the daily responsibility of 4 children. I was tired; I was reeling. I couldn’t believe the next level chaos we were living in. And, it was there that God showed His hand. I felt like I had been playing the world’s strangest game of Texas Hold’em. I thought I knew how to play the game that was my life, and yet God did something that completely violates the rules of the game. He showed me His hand. There was no turn, no flop, no bets, no river, no nothing. The cards were dealt, and God immediately said, “Hey, before anything else happens, I want you to see what I have.” Whoa. The weight of that is unreal. You would think getting a true peek into the ways God is moving would make it easier and simpler.
It wasn’t. I have literally spent day after day contemplating the depth of what the Lord has done lately. The MRI we had done was unplanned, and I thought unnecessary. The surgeon available to do the surgery specialized in that particular brain condition. Teagan was showing no real symptoms prior to surgery, at least no typical ones; yet, as soon as surgery was over her personality was different and improved. Literally, every single step of the process was so succinctly laid out that I couldn’t have planned it that well if I had tried. Adaline got injured and I didn’t know surgery was coming so fast. In fact, I was a little frustrated with the surgery schedule. I wanted it a few days later, but any later and I might have missed being there with baby Maggie. Maggie came two weeks early, totally healthy, and days before her sweet great-grandmother went home to be with the Lord. There has been no trying to make pieces fit, to make myself feel better about my confusion. The pieces fit in such a perfectly, flawless pattern you couldn’t even see the seeds of humanity in it. All you could see was God. There literally wasn’t anything else to see.
So, what do you do when God shows you His hand? When you see the royal flush play out in the situation? You sit in awe. You recognize what it means when you give God control. You realize all the work the Lord does behind closed doors, that you don’t get to see, is born out of a flawless plan for His glory and your good. You use it as a reminder that no matter how many times you question the Lord you can know His plan truly is perfect. When God shows His hand, it's game over. So, don’t just sit back and relax in God giving you a glimpse into His hand. Instead press into it, heavy and hard. Rest your head on the Lord's chest and listen to the sweet heart beat of the Father. Let yourself rest in Him and in the beauty of His true, uninhibited love for you.
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