My name is Gabbi, and I have a problem. For two years, God has whispered to me about doing a particular thing (well, more like not doing a particular thing), and I have ignored it… ignored Him.
See, I tend to do this thing where (A) I think I know better than God or (B) I convince myself that what I clearly hear Him saying is for sure not Him at all. I like to think that He finds this stubborn quality “cute” in me, and perhaps He does… for a time.
I have two daughters, ages 4 and 3, and believe it or not, they can be quite stubborn and rebellious at times (not sure where they get that from — must be their father). At first, I find this characteristic funny, adorable, and something to be admired about them. But after three or four times of them telling me “No” and them crying and running away from me (or let’s be honest, sometimes it’s me crying and running away from them), it is no longer cute… especially when it happens in public... and I want to scream in their face and say some choice words. I don’t, just to be clear before anyone reports me to social services, but I want to with every fiber of my being.
I behave this same way with my Heavenly Father when He asks something of me. Not all the time though. When He asks me to go somewhere or do something that excites me, I am all in! “You want me to go on that trip?! Yes!” “You want me to start that ministry? Absolutely!” “You need me to go speak to a group of people? Send me!” However, when He asks me to do something like give up something I love… that’s when the rubber meets the road and my stubbornness meets His grace.
I find myself in this place more often than I care to admit. I often convince myself that it wasn’t Him at all or I argue and wrestle with Him over why He would want me to do this particular thing or that. Recently, I found myself wrestling with Him for literally two years regarding a specific area of my life. Now, perhaps He does find this stubbornness quality in me cute, but after two years, I imagine He has had enough. He doesn’t get in my face and scream at me with choice words like I wish I could do with my kids at times. But He does whisper in my ear over and over and put things in front of me constantly until I am finally in a place where I will listen and consider what He is asking of me. That is where I found myself just a couple of weeks ago.
For me, He was asking me to let something go, to give it up. I have a chronic issue with FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and adding things to my plate constantly without ever taking things off. In this case, He wanted to do some pruning in my life, but I was holding on with such a firm grip and not allowing Him to do what He wanted for me.
Sometimes, when God asks us to give something up, it’s not always bad things. Sometimes, He asks us to give something up that is good. And I simply could not understand this.
I had been leading worship in my local church for ten years. It was one of two of my life’s passions — speak to women and lead worship. I am on staff at my church and volunteer in other areas, but could not figure out why God would ask me to give this part of serving up. It was a good thing, to me it was one of the best things. I loved doing it. I wanted to do it for the rest of my days. “Why, God, why do I have to let this go?”
He asked me to give it over to Him about two years ago. I brushed it off and thought it was just me. One year ago, He whispered this to me once more. Again, I brushed it off, pushed it off and told Him that if He really wanted me to do this then He would bring it up again later. I wanted Him to be extremely clear about it. I wanted that fleece moment. But sometimes, when we know deep down what He is asking of us, demanding clearer or more signs is not wisdom. It is simply disobedience. And that’s what this was for me. I told Him if He was serious that He needed to come back and speak it to me again later… He did. Just a few weeks ago, in fact, He whispered to me to let this part of my life go.
When we know deep down what He is asking of us, demanding clearer or more signs is not wisdom. It is simply disobedience.
After wrestling me to the ground (or at least it felt that way), I finally surrendered. I fully expected that when I started to speak with my worship pastor, God would stop me like He did Abraham before he sacrificed Isaac. I thought for sure that He just wanted to see if I would obey but wouldn’t make me go through with it… I was wrong (as I usually am). He allowed me to step down. Why? I still don’t know. I still haven’t seen the by-product of this step of obedience.
But the thing about actively following Jesus and pursuing Him — when He asks me to do something, I don't have to like it, I don't have to understand it. I just have to do it.
Because He sees something I do not.
Because He knows more than I ever will.
And because I love Him more than whatever it is I am holding onto (even if it does take me two years to figure it out).
So what is it for you, friend? Is there something He is asking you to do or asking you to let go of? I would encourage you to seek Him — actively and consistently. Talk with Him, read His word. If He has continued to whisper this to you, and it lines up with His Word, then you have no choice but to trust and obey, obey and trust. It may not make sense to us, but it doesn’t have to. We only see the individual pieces of our lives, but He has an aerial view of the whole puzzle. We can trust Him. Did you hear me on that? We can trust Him with our dreams and deepest desires, with those that we love. HE CAN BE TRUSTED. He will work all things out for our good and His glory.
So today, let’s muster the courage to walk in obedience and take a step in His direction. He’s waiting for us there.
VERSES TO MEDITATE UPON
“Blessed are all who fear the Lord,
who walk in obedience to him.”
“Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground."
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
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